Mercurius Aulico-Mastix
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Mercurius Aulico-Mastix: 12 April 1644
Mercurius Aulico-Mastix. Or, The Whipping-Mercury. In Opposition To The Poysonous Intelligence of Aulicus. By way of Information.
Fryday the 12. of Aprill. 1644.
Reader, I was once called Mercurius Britanicus, and I walked abroad under that name about 3. weeks: But whilst I passed harmlesly along, there were those which envied me, and set up Tickets upon the most eminent places of the city, to tell the world tht I was a false Britanicus: And the old Author himselfe, of whom I had once an indifferent good opinion, betrayed so much weaknesse as to cry it up for false Britanicus: Now whether it were so, or not, I refer you to the papers which were printed for these three weeks; and let the severest Critick censure me by them, and then tell me which he conceives to be the truest Britanicus: But upon the intreaty of some friends and in submission to those whom I sincerely honour, I thought it most convenient to change my title. I am conscious to my selfe of nothing offensive, in that which I here undertake; And therefore if any begin to molest, or endeavour by false information to stifle me, for their own filthy lucre sake, I hope I shall be seconded even by their best friends, who alone are able to discern my sense and innocence. Would you then see Aulicus canvassed in a sprightly combat? Would you see Atheisme, Tyranny and Popery severely lashed? Would you have those Goblins of Religion, those Demi-Gorgons of Protestantime, those whole and halfe-Papists in the Junto, un-hooded, and unmasked? Would you have the Lamiae, The Jesuites, Fryars, and Nunnes, those Lapland Gentlemen and Gentlewomen at Oxford, with all their Exorcismes, Coinurations, Sorceries, and enchantments, set in plaine and open view, and the truth of their abominations, and abominable delusions, published to the world in lively Characters? Then read this New Mercury, and observe how he tutours, and disciplines Incorrigible Aulicus.
But here I must give you notice, before I proceed, that Aulicus is a most miserable Peece this week, having nothing in him but false and groundlesse impudent lying stuffe, a parcell of such tortured, and dismembered relations, that it would pitty a man to see what is imposed upon those of his faithlesse generation, to delude them. but I conceive he writes this time by proxie, some deputy Liar writes now that is unacquainted with the former stile and Method: Some deep strategem is now in hand; so that Harry and George, are neither of them at leisure:<ref>Possibly George Digby and Henry Percy, two well-known lords close to the King</ref> for this Hireling of theirs, beore he begins his journey-worke, tells us, That this hath been a busie Weeke. Why? What businesse hath fallen out extraordinary? The Junto hath little, or nothing to doe, bar to bite their Thumbes in silence, and to demurre upon the affronts and injuries given them, and to count their losses, and ill successes, and to think what will become of them in the end: They must not, and dare not be busiebodies for feare of a Check: The main of the businesse runnes another way: It comes to them but at the second hand, and to give a glosse to it at the setting forth in publike, being but a stalking-horse to farther designes than they are aware of. The onely busie creatures at Oxford, and Jesuites and Women: and now that her Majestie is going for Ireland; they are busier then ordinary; They meane to wrap up plots in her child-bed linnen, and (as they are alwayes active to worke advantage upon any occasion) to make a worse businesse for us of her delivery there, than the Rebellion is. They say she is going thither; and doe you thinke there is no more in it, than being brought to bed? I am afraid we shall heare of some strange delivery there, which will bring many into the Groaning-chair. I have read in Ambrose Parey,<ref>Ambroise Paré, a fifteenth-century barber-surgeon</ref> of many monstrous births; Of Women delivered of Iron, Old nailes, Bullets and such like things: And I guesse we shall heare of worse shortly: What thinke ye of Gun-powder, Granado’s, and Wild-fire, which in the delivery, will shoot as far as England, when there are so many Monkish Men-Midwives which attend: And now that they are preparing for this journey, they are all extreame busie: Harry and George, and Father Philips, The Dutchesse, that animated relique of the Queen Mother, Windebanke,<ref>Sir Francis Windebank, Secretary of State</ref> and the rest of our Franciscan Patriots, are in deep consultation how to tack Ireland to Spaine, and England to both: The Spaniards Universall Monarchies would very faine come on as well as the Popes; And her Majesties great Belly must now be the maine engine to skrew us into that tyrannous Jurisdiction: I like not this Irish Gossiping by any means; There can no good come of it; And if they be not looked to, we shall, I am sure, have no Church-going.
He tells us that the busy weeke presaged more then ordinary, by bringing us on a new account (1644.) This new Scribler begins to talke of account: I know by that, Harry and George never meddled this week; for they love not so much as to think of an Account: the very word would astonie them, if you adde Parliement to it: They are fearfull of their account there, though they little regard their last and greatest: One may easily perceive and presage by their doings, that they thinke not of that at all. But because they speak of presaging upon this new Account of the yeere, 1644. Let us observe how they have thrived since, and what we may presage thence. Immediately after that week, whereupon he talkes of presaging, It pleased God utterly to dash all their Southern hopes, by giving a more than ordinary Victory over them, by those forces under the Command of Sir William Waller: Neither were they altogether piteously banged in the South, but their Popery was pretty well handled in the North also: And both these happinesses we take, as an earnest of future mercies, and cannot but presage a second victory over Hoptons broken forces, and then a faire and Smooth Passage to the West. After this, we can presage the downfall of popery, before the account come on for the yeer 1645. we can presage his Majesties return to his Parliament; His redempton from those Irish Boggs of Popery, with their unfathomed dangerous counsells: The vanishing and dissolving of those Romish Frogs, Caterpillars, and Locusts, which would devoure all the glory of our Nation.
He tells us of his Majesties Coronation, who (he sayes) in despight of all Treasons, Covenants, & Close-Committees, doth enter the twentieth yeare of his Reigne. March 27. That hee now does it, hee is beholding to the undefatigable paines of our Committees, and it is the main end of our Covenanting to preserve the Crowne upon his head, and preserve it we will, as much as in us lyes in despight of all the treasons, which the Popish bloud suckers can invent. These 20 years of his Majesties reigne have been full of them, though their plots have bin more deeply laid and contrived than formerly, and now by the industry of this present Parliament they have been fully discovered. I need not speake of those plots upon him before he came to the Crown; of their ingaging his person in a journy to Spain, where manifold attempts were made upon him in matter of Religion, with all the subtile insinuations that Spain, or Italy could invent: Nor the continuation of their devices when that match was broken, to inveagle him with the daughter of France, being assured that they could never want opportunity to advantage the Popish Cause, as long as he that wore the Crown was linked o a Lady of their Religion: but these businesses are too stale for repetition, and therefore let us come nearer home: What thinke ye of that neere intercourse between the Court of Rome, and that of England, when the Popes Nuncio’s were more conversant and frequent here, than Ambassadors from other Princes? what think yee of that late alteration in Religion, though it seemed to be but in matter of Ceremony and Discipline? Can it be thought otherwise than a fair introduction to Popery, when the most abominable superstitions which are common with them, were forced upon us here, as a conscientious and Practick part of Religion? But in processe of time, while Prerogative, the darling of the Courtiers, pressed on one side; and Superstition was forwarded by the Prelates on the other, the pressures and grievances of the Subject necessitating a Parliament, the only thing feared by those that then were, and now are known to be the grand enemies of Religion and the Subjects Liberty; Hence it came to passe, that those now assembled in Parliament, which are solely entrusted with the safety of the Kingdome, bestirred themselves (as in conscience they were bound) to free the subject of these enormities in religion and the state; and being now ingaged in defence of what they have undertaken, have incurred the hatred of those who are the chiefe Incendiaries, and prevented in their intentions: So that they care not what they, or their mercenarie Parasites vent, and invent against them, to slander their proceedings. But I have dwelt too long upon that businesse, and am loath to say any thing concerning Crownes and a Coronation dayes.
Hee tells us of the Calender, calling the next day to his Majesties (March 28) by the name of Rupert. Rupert in red Letters will doe well in a Calendar of Tyrants and Plunderers: but what does he meane by Ruperts day next to his Majesties Coronation Day in the Calendar? I hope he does not intend to make himself his successor. They say the young man hath a notable itch after government, wch with him is tyranny, & that before he came over, he consulted with an old Gentlewoman ycleped[?] a Witch in Germany, the very same which bestowed the Dog Boy upon him, whether it were not possible he might be King of England: I should be very unwilling to have any German Devill Prognosticate so much mischief to our Nation, as that it should come to passe; for then we should have strange Lawes enacted, customs revived, worse then the Saxon, Or-deal, or the old priviledge of the Caledonian Prerogative, which (some say) was, that their King should have the first nights lodging with any Bride he had a mind to. Then Pick-hatch and Bloomesbury would be enacted Societies of as good account, as any about London; you should have the second part of Jane Shore out of Lombard-street,<ref>Jane Shore (c.1455-c.1577) was the mistress of King Edward IV</ref> or Cheap-side, or any where, Ballioes and Buffones made prime Privie Counsellors, and Currezans, out-vie Countesses in as great State as those which are in pension with the Cardinalls: And then for Religion, that should be what you please, of all sorts, sizes, and fashions, whether French, Italian, or Spanish: This would be a rare world for the Prelates, and a Prelaticall Clergy: For beleeve me they woul thrive in Body, Purse, and ambition, and frolick it amain out of the revenues of the Bawdy Court.
[Marginal note: Horace]
————- Lucri bonnus Odor
Ex re qualibet ——————
They, as well as the Pope, love any sinne that is gainfull, that will bring in New yeers gifts, and Poultrey upon Shrovetuesday, to feed them with bribery, and Cockbroth all the Lent, whilst they make the Subject pine with Pease pottage and superstitious Red herrings, and in the Churches name constitue pecuniary Mulcts upon eating of flesh, on purpose to make a prey on their purses that are sicke, and have great bellied wives, in the purchasing of Licenses: These would be the rare fruits and effects of Ruperts government, for which I make no question but they could easily procure him a Saint-ship in the Roman Calendar; But we need not feare; it is a large step from an empty Title in Cumberland, to a Coronation in Westminster: And therefore, Aulicus you are mistaken, that 28. of March you mean, will never come to till the Greeke Calends, ot perhaps about Doomesday in the afternoone.
He tells us of one Colonel John Marrow his beating up of quarters within a mile of Namptwich: This Colonell, as I am informed, was once listed in the service for the King and Parliament: I wonder how these Run-awayes, and Runnagate Renegadoes, dare venture abroad for feare of being taken; certainly they can dream of nothing but halters, or being tyed to a Tree: I hope we shall in time bring him and Urry,<ref>Sir John Urry</ref> and Dick Greenvile,<ref>Sir Richard Grenville, who a few weeks previously had changed sides to support the Royalists</ref> down upon their Marrow bones before a Councell of Warre, to make a dolefull recanation to the tune of turning over the Ladder.
He tells us of a Ship taken by a Troop of Horse, and the seizing of the Mariners in the midst of a fine Song in Carnarvonshire. those in the Troop then were not Welch-Nagges, but Sea horses bred upon land on purpose for such a service: but this is like Aulicus his other stories: and you may see what poore shifts he is put to for the filling up of his Pamphlet: Hee must say somewhat, though it bee of a Ship sayling in the Moon, and taken by a Troop of Horse that were grazing upon a Welch Mountaine. But what thinke yee now of some Troops of Horse to come and take you now at Oxford in the midst of your fine Sing songs there, and the deale of Pagan Chappell-mirth, piping, and quavering it in Te Deums, and Non-sense Mock-service in Anthems, and the tedious Gloria Patris of half an houre long: Especially the rare new-invented Hymnes, which (they say) run in a Musicall straine, much after the plat-forme of the pretty Ash Wednesday Cursings in our English Masse-Book; Atheisticall catches, under pretence of serving God, against the Parliament, and the City of London: They are near-contrived Raptures, but that they are misused, and would doe a great deal better with Blasphemy and cursing in a Taverne: Those Organs in Christ-Church, must have a down-fall in this Reformation; It were very unfitting they should stand so long, for they have been put to such an ill use since the prime of Poperies domineering, that the bellows cannot blow any thing but Heresie, and squeaking treason against the State, and therefore these Organists and Catheralists had best take heed that they be not taken in the middle of their singing, and telling of lies both by Sea and Land.
He tells us that our Mariners be run away, and that those which sit at the Helme, will doe so ere long, when the people have paid the last penny. This blew villaine, with his Sea-green, Motley rainbow braines, hath invention of all colours, his fancie lookes towards the Sea, and the Devill makes presently a reflection of strange Chimeras, & lying idea’s, which he presently makes use of to furnish his Aulicus: Our mariners are even in love with the Thrice-Noble and Religious Admirall, whose sweet and gallant demeanor hath linked them unto him more fast with bonds of true affection, then the heaviest chaines doe slaves in Turkish Gallies: The Sea-men know what belongeth to such kind of tyrannies as well as any other: And therefore will stick the closer to that excellent Lord the Earle of Warwick, and doe service with all their power, because that if Spaine should prevaile to ruinate us here, they will be none of the last, nor least sufferers: Though they love the sea they intend not to be shackled there, and deprived of the liberty of comming on shore.
From the Sea, this sneaking Rat is returned to belie us on land, and sayes that the County of Essex are unwilling, and that at Chelmesford, a Gallowes is set up in the Market-place. It had been the better way for him to have belyed any County but that: for (to their honour be it spoken) they have from the very beginning of these distractions of the State ever shewed themselves most ready and willing to assist the Parliament to the utmost. And as for that Index of his fortune, the Gallowes, wee can own no such matter; It is the Marquesses help to recruit in the North, an Oxford engine to draw men into Arms against their Countrey, and to keep the Junto-men in awe, and the Souldiers from running away.
He tells us that the People call the Earl of Manchester, the Prince of the Association, Whatsoever he is called, he deserves no other but an honourable Appellation to the height of an Hyperbole, for his admirable service in the Cause: That Lord is one of the foremost in the list of true deserving Patriots.
He tells us that one Master Barton in Warwick-shire should teach that those faithfull souldiers which were slain in the cause for the King and Parliament, dyed holy Martyrs, &c. They dye in defence of the Gospell, and in that respect they dyed as Martyrs, witnesses to the truth of it, and to keep their brethren from massacring, and martyrdome, from the rage and cruelty of Popish persecutors, the fury of mercilesse domineering Prelates, that would use us worse in the second Marian dayes, than those were in Bonners Cole-house, or Lollards Tower, and fulfill what imperious Rabshakeh could not, by making us eat our owne dung, and drink our owne pisse: They long to see burning of true Protestants in Smithfield, and we long to see Scaffolding at Tower-hill, and carting to Tyborne, with Atheisticall grand delinquents, and Irish-Rebells.
He would have us to consider how cheap and easie it is to vote a man a papist. If it had been easie, your Junto would ere this time have voted all the Kingdome papists: for if the Do_s, Diego, Gundemare[?], Harry, George, or any of the grand male and female Incendiaries, could have found out which way to have brought it about to of their owne minds, they durst not deny their assent by Vote. But it will not be found so easie and so cheap a matter as they think: It will cost more hot water than so. And it had need be a cheap businesse that they goe about; for money is somewhat scarce, and the one hundred thousand pound which the Junto promised them, is such an untowardly heavy lump, that it cannot possibly be raised by all the Engines, and devices which they can invent.
He tells us of the siege before Latham-house in Derbishire, and the Articles were offered to the Countesse, and read on all Churches. She hath indeed a spark of the Dutchesses spirit; that rare silken fire-work, and may chance for her good service in the Garrison, to be rewarded, as well as the other Cavalleresses, the D’Aubignies, the oily, slippery Madams, the sign-posts bedawbed with Vermillion and Oyle of Talck,<ref>Calcined talc, used as a cosmetic</ref> and set out with bushes of curles to draw customers: Bid them take heed the bullets doe not shatter their Box teeth, and then they may live perhaps till the French Goose begin to hisse in their bones, and puts them in mind of leaving the world, which they are resolved not to do, as long as they can help it, though they begin their hell here: on earth, aches one while setting their joynts upon the wrack, another while soaking themselves in Cornelius his Tub,<ref>"Mother Cornelius's Tub" or "Cornelius's Tub" was a bathtub used for sweating out venereal disease</ref> ending their dayes at length in rhume and horror.
The Intelligence
This week we may speak of action in expectation, more than any thing else; for there is great strugling and preparation by the Oxford party which way to recruit a competent Army: And it is thought, His Majesty and the Prince will both of them in person appear in the field: Their Rendezvouz is generally known to be Marlborough in Wiltshire, about which place most of their forces are enquartered: And the King intends once more to set up his Standard, some say in a place called Goring Heath;<ref>Goring Heath is in Oxfordshire, between Wallingford and Reading</ref> others, upon Malborn chase,<ref>The Royalists held a muster of the Oxford Army at Aldbourne Chase near Hungerford on 10 April</ref> and summons given to all men that are able to do service, to make appearance with Armes, under penalty of forfeiting their possessions, rights and interests whatsoever.
Now to second this design of the Cavaliers by opposition, the Parliament hath thought it most convenient and requisite, that all their forces should be drawn together, and resolve upon a day to fight with those enemies of their Religion and Countrey. The Lord Generall (a man hitherto of approved wisedome and successe) is to advance speedily, with all the powers that can be got from the City, from Kent from Warwickshire, from Leicester, and Northamptonshire, from Windsor, and from Alisbury, with whom the Earle of Mancester is to joyn: So that they will in all appeare a most gallant Army, and I question not, but it will prove so in the end: The place of rendezvouz is Alisbury.
In the mean time Sir William Waller is of a competent strength to resist the enemy, having about 10000. men. Five hundred horse came to him from Poole, and the Isle of Wight hath afforded him some foot; and I hope our forces will be all in readinesse before theirs at Oxford can be.
On Saterday there was a debate in the House concerning prisoners, a Trumpeter being sent from Oxford for that end: Lunsford was one which they desired, but what others, is not yet known: but the House resolved to exchange none, unlesse that they would agree to release Sir William Savile, who hath been a long time prisoner under the Marquesse of Newcastle, that Popish Tyrant of the North.
Doubt
Whither this uniting of forces to give battell, be not the likeliest way suddenly to end the miseries of this Kingdome.
Satisfaction
I answer, that it must of necessity be so, in regard that the enemy is now much weakened and there is no probability of encreasing their forces to any greater number, the Countries being absolutely unwilling to the service, and then, if God give us the better, (as we question it not) and if the victory be fully pursued, they will be utterly disabled from recruiting any more, all their hopes relying upon the successe of this present designe.
Printed according to Order, by G. Bishop.<ref>George Bishop, stationer</ref> 1644.
Source: British Library, E.42[15]
Search tags: Aldbourne Chase (Malborn chase), Ambrose Parey (Ambroise Paré), Aylesbury (Alisbury), Bloomsbury London (Bloomesbury), Cheapside London (Cheap-side), Chelmsford (Chelmesford), Christ Church London (Christ-Church), Derbyshire (Derbishire), Earl of Warwick (Earle of Warwick), George Bishop stationer (G. Bishop), Latham House Lancashire (Latham-house), Lombard Street London (Lombard-street), Nantwich (Namptwich), Sir John Urry (Urry), Sir Richard Grenvile (Dick Greenvile), Tower Hill London (Tower-hill), Tyburn (Tyborne), Warwickshire (Warwick-shire)
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